


the girl must be mad

by Ingu



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 22:28:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5719354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingu/pseuds/Ingu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prince Napoleon rescues a Princess. There's something about a true love's kiss. None of it is what he signed up for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the girl must be mad

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: [Esta chica debe estar loca](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5760094) by [Evangeline_Evans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evangeline_Evans/pseuds/Evangeline_Evans), [Ingu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingu/pseuds/Ingu), [Libia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libia/pseuds/Libia)



> A short something I found while rifling through the files on my computer. Posting this to de-anon from a [kink meme fill](http://kinkfromuncle.dreamwidth.org/640.html?thread=139648#cmt139648) written in August 2015.

“Wait, you want me to what?”

Gaby glares at Napoleon, and gestures meaningfully at the chained beast they had just spent the past forty minutes trying to capture. At their feet, the wolf growls, then lunges at Napoleon, jaws snapping, before the chain pulls taut and it falls back with a whimper.

“Kiss him. Break the spell.”

Napoleon stares at Gaby, and then at the beast, and then back at Gaby, who raises one perfect eyebrow in a challenge.

“Oh God, you’re serious.”

“True love’s kiss breaks any curse, everyone knows that.”

“He is not my true love!” Napoleon yells, just a little bit hysterical.

“Did you not see the way the clouds parted when he met us for the first time?” Gaby shouts back with equal vigor, and the beast whimpers. “It’s one of us. And when I tried it didn’t work.”

Napoleon’s throat works, then he turns away with a sigh. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason why the sun came back, the weather changes a lot around here, it’s probably just a coincidence.”

“And the part where he has a patch of fur identical to the mark on your wrist, is that also a coincidence?”

Napoleon closes his eyes, taking a very, very controlled breath.

“Look, Princess, I came here to rescue you at your uncle’s request. This creature’s condition is… very unfortunate, I’ll give him that. But I already have a true love, her name is Victoria, and we are engaged to be married. So forgive me if I am not going to go around kissing random werewolves because you say it’s a good idea.”

“Well you are obviously wrong about that Victoria,” Gaby states, matter of fact. Then she points at the wolf. “He is your true love.”

“Are you forgetting the part where he tackled me to the ground and tried to bite my head off?”

“I… don’t remember that at all,” Gaby huffs. “Because I could swear he licked your face instead of eating you, and then he defended you from those spiders.”

They spend the next five minutes intently trying to glare each other down. The wolf growls softly. Finally, it’s Napoleon who deflates first.

“If I kiss this werewolf will you finally come with me back to the castle?”

Gaby eyes the wolf, and then looks suspiciously at Napoleon.

“Okay.” She agrees, reluctant.

With an exaggerated sigh, Napoleon bends down in front of the wolf, staring at the creature’s blue eyes and hoping he doesn’t get his face bitten off for his trouble. He has a nice face, a lot of young women like his face, it gives him great perks and he would like to keep it exactly the way it is.

He reaches out, and catches the creature’s head between his hands, pulling it closer. The beast whines and whimpers, trying to pull away, but Napoleon is determined to get it over with.

He leans forward, closes his eyes, and presses his lips to the wolf’s muzzle.

Warmth bursts through his body, and everything around him erupts with bright color. When Napoleon opens his eyes, reeling from a revelation, he’s staring into the brilliant blue eyes of a very handsome, and very naked man. A man whom he recognizes.

“Illya?” he breathes, unable to understand what is happening. “Illya.”

“Napoleon,” Illya whispers, staring at him with wide, lost eyes.

“I thought you were dead,” Napoleon says, running his fingers through Illya’s hair, stroking down his cheek. Then, he remembers Illya’s nakedness, and scrambles to pull his cape from his shoulders and wrap them around his friend.

He looks toward Gaby, his eyes wide with confusion. Gaby looks back at him and shrugs helplessly, though the expression on her face says ‘I told you so’.

“Are you still in love with Victoria?” Gaby says.

Napoleon’s movement stills, and darkness rises in his eyes.

“No,” he growls, stubbornly brushing Illya’s scraggly hair behind his ears. “There was a glass of wine. Before that, I felt no love for her.”

“My kingdom,” Illya says suddenly. “My mother, what happened?”

Napoleon pauses, and goes to pick up Illya’s hands, which are caked with dirt and dried blood. He rubs at them, trying to make them clean again. “She was forced to remarry,” he says softly. “Oleg runs the kingdom now.”

Illya blinks. “Oleg was the one who sent me to the forest,” he murmurs. “He told me there were bandits, but there was an old lady... she had an apple.”

“Well then,” Gaby says, pulling out her sword with a flourish. “Looks like we have a kingdom to reclaim.”

“I’m supposed to take you back to your uncle,” Napoleon says, unimpressed by her theatrics.

“No, no you’re really not.”

Napoleon looks at the Princess, at her sword, and then back to Illya, who’d pulled Napoleon’s cape around him like a security blanket.

“Then I guess we’re reclaiming a kingdom.”

**Author's Note:**

> palalife turned this into a [comic](http://palalife.tumblr.com/post/129179534123/man-from-uncle-fairy-tale-au-my-without-permission) and I have absolutely no words for how amazing it is.


End file.
